Or I’ve never been in a relationship like that. Has no emotional intelligence. He was never violent, nor filled with raging anger, yet he was a Narcissist. This site is amazing. I gave him rides all the time, bought him food, lent him my car. A typical narcissist is always in search of the narcissistic supply. I knew it was unhealthy, but I still wanted to salvage the marriage. I have always wondered about that. I decided to go anyway. It’s all about him. I was with a younger lady for several years. The words that kept popping up were sociopath and narcissist. Little by little we got closer and before i knew we were a couple. My mother is also a narcissist and I was pre programmed for all the lies, cheating, insults, etc. Our friends would laugh at his thoughtlessness, me too, what else could I do. I no longer have lunch with him daily. I am in awe of how a human being can be so deceitful, selfish, and backstabbing. THE ONE AND ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER ACCEPTED RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING IS WHEN HE LOOK AT ME AND SAID “I know I broke your heart and Im sorry…” Looking back he said it as if to take credit, and the sincerity I thought I saw was being confused with his pity for my poor poor soul. They keep people so separated I don’t know how they do it, it’s crazy. 29. I have to say he IS a “nice” guy. People in the narcissistâs life have to go to great lengths to ⦠10 more years and his behaviors got worse in our 20th year he had another affair with a diiferent married coworker – this time he wasnt sorry and our divorce was a nightmare. I would bet my bottom dollar he cheated on his 1st wife, fiancee and any other woman he has been with before me. No one around him is allowed their feelings. Its a sport for them I believe. I called him and he started lying and getting curt immediately. I know I was the best person in his life but luckily I was saved and one of the lucky ones.. I finally realized it’s all about him and I was just a bystander in his life. Jealous was a very unflattering trait and implied possessiveness, which would not be tolerated. He didn’t want children so we had none. I keep telling myself I love him and I think of how he was when we first met and I try to figure out what happen, but after reading this and another article, it’s not me, it’s him he is a huge Narcissists, and i need to stop thinking is me with problem and its him. And he cheated. He’s an elected official, I’m the treasurer of his election committee. When I got back here he was smug and didnt ask was i ok or anything, just scolded me about going off and getting lost. I would laugh thinking it was just an old friend get together. Very very sexually charged, also wanted anal sex which I refused but he was extolling the virtues of. Unfortunately he is also my boss. My whole body was stiff and composure was a challenge but I had to keep it for my step daughter’s sake. He posted some shit on Instagram (cleaning out his closet and putting posters up where mine were just two weeks ago) just to hurt me. He saw that he left me in time of need and still accepted it. He said he found me on a dating site and sent me the snapshot of it. Everyone walks on egg shells. I had chalked up his ‘grandstanding’ as a boyish idiosyncrasy. It became a running joke just how selfish he could be. Then two, then another short break. There is a desert within me and I know that I’ve never really loved anyone to the point of putting someone’s needs ahead of mine. how? Obviously, it did nothing to help our marriage. He responded defensively, “WHAT?” followed by a very could shoulder and no kiss goodnight. The second thing that so astounded me, was the ease at which I had handed over my power to this man. Nothing was ever enough, always wanted more-more-more! If he was drunk, if he was cheating. I thought it might be helpful to share her experience with others, to see just how gradual and controlling a relationship with an abusive Narcissist can be. He agreed and twenty mins after he left my house I found my self esteem and told him by text he was right, let’s call it a day. One summer many drastic things happened to me. I thought he was the most honorable man of integrity, morals, and substance. Out of the greatest storms comes the most beautiful days. It was a way to shift responsibility and justify his sins. That is the issue. Iâm so grateful to be free of him. Loved and Lost, This is my life for the most part. No, my husband didn’t spread the rumor, he delegated passive aggressively these woman who love him so much to do his dirty work. You are beginning to feel hemmed in, controlled, and you suspect he is lying to you. I coudnt wait for him to come home. When someone clearly has no respect for your boundaries, that means they have no respect for YOU. He is a lier and void of any kind of feeling, an empty vessel with no bottom. He has a group of women friends to always boost his ego. We were creative partners, he moved into my house ( while keeping his flat) and we spent virtually every moment together. He would spend money on his hobbies, without any concern for me, or whether or not we could afford it. He was available, he didn’t pull away, or break up and rebound, he was committed to us having a future, but I always felt that one day, I’d be updated. Thank you so much for sharing your story. “Play-date,” I inquired? I clearly have a lot of work to do in the no contact area. They appeared to be 18 but had a birthday — actually 29! It will resurface because the scars left are too deep. Again, you acquiesce and adapt your appearance to once again keep him happy, anything for a peaceful life. Sometimes a narcissist expects the recovery process to happen in just a matter of days, even though in reality the process takes on average 1-2 years. Narcissists cannot feel, they can’t love, they are devoid of empathy and true feelings. My friends called him dr jeckle and mr Hyde. I was lonely, losing myself and slowing questioning myself..for the boundaries I set. Years wasted on 3 square meals a day, baking desserts, cleaning constantly, picking up, grocery shopping, raising kids, running 2 businesses, dealing with all his ex wives crap while he played or went out with his immature 50 year old divorced buddies that also didn’t have a clue about life or refusing to grow up finally. When he came home I stayed with him a couple of nights but there was not sex. First was four, then he took a short break. How should I handle this? For some of us, they’re more cunning and more dangerous than that. This outside of the lies, cheating, betrayal, contradictions, no win situations, gas lighting, future faking, managing down expectations, subtle attempts to erode my confidence, triangulation and approach avoidance repetition complex to keep me in a constant state of anxiety. I wish everyone out there the best in healing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath put into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. While I tried to quit my family as soon as I could, when I succeeded my life had already been devastated. Never satisfied! It was slow and deliberate and I didnât notice it until I had no one left, not even my mother. He has contacted me today saying, I’m done, all you do is remind me of what I did wrong etc and that I’m a POS in your eyes…!!! He has been flirting and getting too emotionally involved with the women here since we were dating and he charms them and lets them know he is there for them and he coos to them and he understands them and lassoes the moon for them and they think he is just fabulous. When we got back to the place we were staying, the pain just worsened and i ran to the bathroom and lost the pregnancy. Controlling Your Finances Is The PASSPORT To Your Future. I sent him pictures and he was not very happy about the change nor would he give me any gratitude. He is for you, not against you. That’s a good thought. Good quick reminder when I re-read that list! My strong empathy is always feeling sorry for him, even though he left me in the coldest manner possible. It’s unbelievable that people are so selfish and have such a major sense of entitlement. Looking back there were raging, red flags, that should have been enough to have me running and screaming far, far, away from him, but hindsight is 20/20. Your thoughts, anyone? It’ll save you from anymore heartache and you’ll be happier than you may have thought possible. Sammie I have no idea, but it hardly matters. I walked out into the woods behind his house without saying a word. His mother worked as a nurse while his father took care of all 4 boys. I was married to a narcisstic/bipolar man for 20 years He keeps everyone so mesmerized with his talent, helpfulness, and charm. Sex has never been great. It was full of I love you …… So I never thought he would drop me and walk away, like you I didn’t expect it or see it coming… I have lost a few pregnancies because of the stress he and his cohorts have put me through. Now I see how he was actually treating me, I was a joke to him. No sex the whole weekend and we slept together never touching the other in that way. Hopefully, all his new victims or gals will learn real quick what he’s all about and then some. 1)why do narcissists have selective memory-he now denies ever dating me! If a narcissist decides you're a target, he / she will seek to enmesh you in a relationship quickly and powerfully. But in this case, likely the best idea because she won’t turn it into a game.. Of course he said I did this to myself. 4 phases of a relationship with a narcissist | Megan Holgate A typical narcissist is always in search of the narcissistic supply. It looked beautiful. It only eroded the trust I had for him. I confronted my husband with his mother’s behavior and he refused to do anything. I needed him.. He would never go where I wanted, he would never spend time with my family or friends, he had no interest in anything I had interest in. He is in a leadership position and he has everyone here charmed especially the women. I believed her when she told me the problem was mine. That’s what he stated to me. He always had to be in complete control. Hours later, I received a nasty text message from his wife Amanda attackng my character. I think my having a daughter (that he was unhappy about at first) helped. We have been floating along for 8 moths now since that happened, having sex and spending time together but living in separate apartments and not truly in any kind of committed relationship. You may not understand this while experiencing it, but when you are out the other side, it is perfectly clear what his strategy was, which is to erode your confidence and have you succumb to his demands. It took me months to sort all of this out in my head. He has a mom that is very close to him which is narcistic also. He told me yesterday and today that he loved me but I dont really believe it. The day I meditated on this, I ran into one of his coworkers who had the guts to tell me the affair was going on for a LONG time. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. The thing is we -human beings- choose relationships based on familiarity. I never felt safe following the callous first dumping. I probably shouldn’t be writting this, because this can give some people the wrong idea narcissists can notice what is wrong with them and be completely cured. It’s not a problem if we sleep in the same bed but no intimacy. I packed his clothes into boxes, put them on the driveway and texted him that he couldn’t come back. Have faith, I am currently going through it for the second and last time in Jesus name! Fortunately, I had family support and a good therapist to help me with the depression and PTSD I was dealing with. Anyway, it still upsets me every time he texts…I need to block him. It might be because they've bled them dry of funds, or they've simply found someone new to abuse. Once he was done with a person he was done. He has taken this as me doubting his integrity and how dare I assume he only wanted me for money, yet he was behaving just like that. It’s better to be alone than with someone that doesn’t treat you with love, care and respect. This man and I dated briefly (6 month) 4 years ago. Everything you want, you already are”. They are energy vampires! These “people” are really monsters walking among us. Being a 52 year old and not having a life was very lonely. Every time they come back dripping with a false sincerity and you are the one that gets burned. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, about 0.5 to 1 percent of people are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).. Keep picking yourself up and have a focus like a hobby or some sport and I promise you that you will find yourself again…. And their follow through is just as hollow. He needs to get with this new woman quickly and perhaps trap her into marriage or to take on a mortgage for him whilst he feeds her lies why. I found thousands of porn files, on his computer, he admitted to using porn to get some “extra” and I was disgusted by this because he was doing all of this at work, when he was supposed to be making money. Stayed gone all day and looked for a job. We had talked about the limbs falling on the house. I have some carpentry skills so I have done some stuff around the house but he never gives me credit for any of it. He would cut you off without a thought, or a care and he would slew a string of curses, which often left me thinking how inappropriate and over-the-top that behavior was , based on what was actually done. He had seen me cry over my ex husband and knew I was vulnerable. Posted Apr 08, 2017 He yet again had my replacement I was done. I asked my grandson to help me by pusing it off with the end of the broom while i held his hand.. We got it done. Prince Harming, a real peach. I just ended it several days ago and I am proud of myself for doing this. They are like politicians during an election. You must understand that this man has a religious position and is around children so in our religion, porn is a BIG FAT NO NO! Although we came close, “it” never happened between us. He craves admiration from others, so he spends hours talking to other people, but doesn’t bother talking to me at all. He had 3 wives and cheated on all of them. The thought of leaving never occurred to me, I had invested so much time and effort and also because who would I be if I wasnât Daveâs girl? This little sensitive boy fearful of that monster, he could not go to the sole person that should have protected him. A relationship with a Narcissist is based on deceit. If I knew then what I know now I’d have ran a long time ago ! When we met, we worked for the same company. He was just all about himself. Do you think those women cared that he was newly married? Its hard to believe that they are actually human. I still have a fair way to go but I am making progress. I didn’t want her to follow my example. I was put through strange and hurtful situations that didn’t make sense to me. He had everybody in that community seeing the fiancee’s faults too as he has done to me here. He is helping me through this and I know that He will help you to if you just have faith, believe and trust, pray( pray pray pray) read the Bible and let go and let God. When I first met him, he would talk about how he had no interest in sex, that he was a-sexual. That break up still left me broken crying on the floor and barely wanting to get up and dressed each day but somehow I got through it.. He hasn’t been in touch the last two weeks, isn’t hell bent on getting me back. X. Narcissism is, by most estimations, a rare disorder. Very scary. He would call me constantly on my cell phone and if I didn’t answer he’d call the work number . She cheated with some guy and got pregnant. I’m done, I need him out of my life. It was always on his mind and caused him a great deal of anxiety. For some reason I find myself attracted to this type again, however. Really at 54 just shut up, it’s not dignified or respectful. She didnt show up at work. I have been through a similar. The most common advice is to get out of the relationship and move on. I mean, porn addiction goes with this ? AS they are always in a relationship with themself “I learned that once he âdevaluedâ me as a source of supply I was easily discarded and replaced by a perceived better supply”. That monday a carpenter friend of his came to build cabinets. I started to realize it was just to feed her need to have a sex life. Like the man in this situation, my ex has impotence problems and a narcissist mother who was always around. I felt like I was literally losing my mind there, so I left. Not every narcissist is the same, but they do follow certain patterns when it comes to dating. I know he would love to get rid of me and he gets away with everything! When I discovered her he said, âAre you trying to turn everyone against me?â I said, âI think you have done that yourself.â He blamed me for everything and would in no way take any responsibility for anything. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. I was use to this every single day for 10 months then it stopped. I understand now that he just didn’t want me to be the one to leave because it would’ve hurt his ego. I have been at this job (we’re both executives) for 25 years. I was Daveâs girl and that was the extent of my identity. We were in “love” when we were 19 and I had been married for almost a year with a baby. Like having sex with a doll. Right before we left to his daughter’s engagement party, I found out I was pregnant. Why so many, why the same pattern. Tweet. For now I can exist like this, I even see communication coming in incessantly from girls, am aware he is on numerous dating sites and arranged marriage sites.What can I do? He always has an excuse. There are always new suckers willing to believe his song and dance and “drink the Kool-Aid.” I am just thankful to be off the crazy merry-go-round. His sister, an alcoholic drug addict commits suicide. Then something happened that I never saw coming. Cut off from sex – saying hed be by hed never show. Anyway, very charming with a hard-luck story, moves in and is the most useless person I’ve ever met! I just read MY life with my soon to be ex-husband snake. OH MY GOD!! I have threatened divorce but do not know what to expect. And that’s just fine with me, whatever makes her feel good as long as she stays the heck out of my life. I cant belive this behaviour. So, as a relationship starts fading, the narcissist suffers a lack of narcissistic supply. They are lovable. He talked about everything to me. wtf? He had TONS of female friends…all supposedly non-sexual but I saw lots of nude photos sent to him on his phone and email. I have been with a narcissist for 35 years. If they perceive you are leaving, they will try to be the one to leave first. What force is driving peolpe to this ? No emotion at all. Reading and listening about women who have survived a violent marriage, I couldn’t relate to their stories, yet I too was in a marriage full of domestic violence, yet mine wasn’t violence. You most probably existed in a cocoon so perfect for a while. When I finally called him back he said I should have answered the phone, what if it was an emergency… Then he said he did not call me a lier and he did not get mad. He would often criticize me, my appearance, my interests, my friends and my family. Like a death. I am struggling everyday to come to terms with the fact that she never loved me. My boyfriend and I broke up in june after our anniversary,before then I broke up with him and he begged to change,we have being in different states ever since we dated and we try to see each other when we r avn less shedules,recently I was sick he showed absolutely no care but enjoyed talking about his problems and how he needs help from me,ever since we begun dating he makes his problem the most importance when he calls me he mostly talks about his problems and just how I can help him by sending him money and helping him curb his problems,the day I don’t he isn’t happy with me he causes problems insults me and makes me feel pain emotionally recently I was sick early last month he called and started talking about his problems only and I told him when will he ever show some care at least and I asked him 2 let me be alone for two months he called texed emails insulting me but I neva ansewered to any,just two daes today he called and I picked up he told me unless I initiate a reunion he will neva cal me again,I told him if dz relationship ix important to him he insultd me simply because I asked him to give me some space before I initiated a break up if he learns to apologise first jux like the way he insulted me first before I initiated a break up I will call for a reunion he told me every little thing den I ask him to leave me alone so as for me dats how I am and I can neva make a good wife,he apologised yesterday but said because I wanted an apology he has apologised to me but I don’t want to call for a reunion,the main reason why I did that was beacuse he made it seem as if since I wanted an apology 1st I should have it cos I claim I want his apology,jux dis morning I sent him a txt telln him am gone for a youth camp for a week when am bk we can sort tbings out.please help me solve this complicated issue he has a bad attitude apologising,he finds it difficult to apologise he jux doesn’t see any reason to and he sees his problems 1st he ix only hapi with me after depending on me and after I help him financiallly,but he says to me he doesn’t love me cos of the way I help him so why then does he treate me diz way,am beginnig to see him as a narcissist cos he wldnt let me brk up to but he treates me harshly,he told me during the NC period by txt which I didn’t reply that he will neva kam afta me,but I shouldn’t let him go into the arms of another lady aout of comfort and pitty he treatens me when he sees his about losing me.help!!! In hindsight, I now see how emotionally abusive the relationship was and my health and wellbeing have increased significantly since I left. By the way… Really wish the law and courts helped more in situations with narcissists. He had layed snap flooring in the living room and kitchen while sitting in a rolling chair, he busted his knee up when he jumped off a tugboat and was out of work a year and a half, the floors in the living room were not completely clicked in and he had nailed some, no nails are nessesary. At a later date he claimed he did speak with his mother. But I’m the lucky one he loves and he loves me more than he’s ever loved. All I have done is time and time again found evidence that he was either watching porn or getting to cozy with his boss or subordinates. Of course the texts wouldn’t stop. hahaha… He works off a month at a time and when he isnt to busy he can stay on the phone. He was completely consumed with himself. For those who have been struggling on if you should leave or stay with a narcissistic person RUN as fast as you can !!! I’ve always stood by what is right by me and having self respect…but year half into the relationship we had a child and now I have 2 beautiful boys from the relationship. In the end, they break their partner's heart. I know I will get over this, it is just so hard to believe someone I have known and admired and respected is not the man I believed him to be and that anyone could be so cruel!! If ever I said anything she didn’t like she would berate me and tell me it was my problem and if I didn’t like it then I knew what I could do. It was always my hope that he would change. In fact, narcissistic abuse is a recognised term and set of behaviors. I just couldn’t and we never did. He didnât believe in marriage, so we didnât marry. It breaks my heart to think that the person I met had changed so much but I know that the person I met was never the real person but that doesn’t stop me missing the person I thought she was. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you don’t have to experience the pain and tragedy they can and continue to inflict upon us, the innocents who are simply their prey. There are so many things that I’d endured in our relationship which anyone who had or has a relationship with a Narcissistic person will understand. Narcissism is often misunderstood as an obsession with one's appearance, but it's a full-fledged personality disorder that can wreak a havoc on relationships. Took me a very long time to figure it all out, but we are still together due to the codependency. He did use guilt to control the situation. The kitchen runs right off the living room and the boards should have all run the same way but he turned them to run north to south meaning there would have to be some kind of board running across then to transition a connection.. Do you think HE had enough respect to reschedule or do a skype meeting another time or call and let me know anything? i thought he was further along with his separation (still married to same woman. I just didn’t want to involve a third party. It was all about power now. I think I fell out of love, and fell into a depression with bad anxiety and hypochondria. Which led to having to change all of the locks on the house (paid for by me), mail being stolen, odds and ends missing out of the house, and other happenings that led to serious issues of not feeling safe in my own home. My life become my children as you all know kids around the clock, with house work, money worries and making my family happy. He is still married. This is my story too, only I was with my ex for 6 years. He couldnât get away from me fast enough. Her ex is my father, and she is my mother. He didnât want children, so we didnât have any. Victim or Victor – Which One Do You Want To Be. The Over-evaluation Phase. He claimed I was making a big deal out of it and that she was never going to change. Months later, I found out that he never did. Learn how your comment data is processed. Always from behind, no foreplay, no intimacy, no kissing or eyes meeting. But he wouldn’t slow down, and he wouldn’t be critiqued about driving. Guys, this is crazy. 1 year of learning and reading and finally being able to have been doubtfully abused by a sociopath narc. I know why I choose him, my mother and sister are both narcissists. We moved in together, at my former home, and he slowly but surely alienated my adult kids, and caused them all to leave. Who does that? haha… 8. Well now, her remorse in old age turned über into the mother of the year, where he could do no wrong and us women are all bad. ALWAYS SEEKING SUPPLY fact… Iâve done a lot of self work and come a long way. I divorced my ex three years ago… I left due to the lack of intimacy and his aloofness. I figured he would more than likely just ignore me unless he decides to try to get me to come back. I loved her. It’s amazing how similar everyone’s story really is. We were on completely different pages, I was growing and believed naively thought he did come back for right reasons. I know with a rational mind that it will never happen so why do I still hang on to hope? He is who he is and will continue to be this person. The narcissist goes to great effort to keep others at a comfortable armâs length, meaning that they never get the chance to see behind the curtain. Now I’m not so sure. It’s important to begin nurturing yourself and understanding that you are complete just as you are. He told me that not feeling safe and secure in my own home was an over reaction. My parents were married for 48 years, truly “’til death us do part,” and I thought after being married for so long that we’d be able to work through any problems. I’m not sure what you need help with CV. He was outraged and treated me terribly then come to find he went to this woman. Had she decided to leave she would have been hounded relentlessly, but when you have been discarded the abrupt, unemotional and callous way in which you are left is utterly mind boggling. I really don’t remember feeling that much pain or that betrayed before. If they have obtained what they required from you and the relationship, whether it’s prestige you are going out with him, as you inflate his ego, or money or whatever the need that you are filling in his life, if his use of you has been satiated, you will now be discarded like a used newspaper and replaced with a newer model that continues to feed his ego.